I don’t know what it’s like to have a mother  

 

I remember

The pained look on her face

Whenever she spent money on me

 

And she rarely did

 

I remember

How eager she was

To spend money on other people’s children

 

On anyone but me

 

I remember

The first and only time I won a writing contest at school

And during my speech

I scanned through the crowd of parents

Only to find that she was missing

 

I remember

The smile on her face

When I became overweight

When my self-worth

Was at its lowest point  

 

I remember

How easily she blamed my existence

For her failed marriage

 

Maybe that’s why she hates me so much

 

I remember

The day she didn’t pick me up from school

When she was my only ride

My calls were immediately sent to voicemail

Because she was too busy hanging out with friends

 

I remember

How she spoke of my birth

As the biggest regret of her life

 

I remember

Her telling me

That she wanted an abortion

But didn’t go through with it

Because Dad wanted me

 

I don’t know what it’s like to have a mother

 

Because a mother loves her child unconditionally

And will do anything it takes to protect that child

 

I don’t know what it’s like to have a mother

 

And I probably never will